Saturday, August 24, 2013

Sailor Moon R Episode 02

I'm not sure about you, but I think I may be starting to enjoy having a bit of a schedule of sorts like this. Being able to break up shows like this really helps to relieve myself of all the monotony of watching the same crappy show.

Of course, I'm still watching pretty crappy shows, so there's that. You can try to defend Sailor Moon all you want, but if you paid any attention at all to the first series, you know full well that there is plenty of really messed up stuff happening there. Which makes me not look all that forward to this show. Having been watching Pretty Cure, I have to say I much prefer what they did over this. At least with Pretty Cure, they make the transition from funny to serious very well, though it helps a lot that they mostly keep things kind of silly and lighthearted.

Plus, not focusing on the whole 'romance' thing always helps.

I am still aggravated by the lack of any real major changes to the intro for R. It really is mostly the same, with a few additions or minor changes here or there. Even by old show standards, that's pretty bizarre. As I recall, even the original Macross had a couple different intros, which makes me feel like this was truly a low-budget production. So low-budget it just hurts.

So in today's episode, Usagi is being a whiny little twat because she's the only one who stopped being normal. Oh, and who are these Ali and En folks anyway?

Clearly, they are aliens. Ugh. Somehow, I think this is on an even worse level than the whole Dragonball's Bibidi, Babidi, and Buu. Seriously. I know you want to take themes and use them but... seriously, couldn't you have come up with something better? Jesse and James, Butch and Cassidy, those are classy because they make sense. Ali and En? That's just taking a word and splitting it in half. That is lazy.

So today we start off in Jubancho, where Usagi attacks a wandering Mamoru who is literally just standing there minding his own damn business.

At least this version of him appears slightly more modest.

Immediately, she starts totally hitting on him because she knows he is really her truest love, what with having died like, three times now or something? But is he really even the same person without his memories? At least this time around he doesn't appear to be completely tortured by the fact that he can't remember something, from the looks of things he seems to be pretty accepting of his current lot in life, which really shouldn't be all that bad.

She uses this to gauge just how much he remembers, which is basically nothing at all.

Passionate is hardly the word I would use to describe

your 'relationship' in the Moon Kingdom.

So En, or Natsumi, is all walking by and sees him and totally needs to jump on that, but he gets all freaked out and runs off so he can make it to work on time. Then Natsumi gets all grumpy at Usagi for letting him go, because clearly her needs are greater than anyone else's. Then the girls get into a thing, and both of them are totally going to win him over.

The pot calling the kettle black.

Back at home, the cats are having a meeting about what to do with this whole alien attack thing. Artemis is all 'nope, can't get the other warriors, that would be wrong'. Given how he didn't want the whole group to get together the last time, despite the fact that he knew where the last Scout was, I have to wonder about his priorities anyways. I might even be so inclined as to suggest that maybe he is not very good at his job? Then the stupid rabbit finally shows up and is all mopey because Mamoru's memory got wiped. Again. That's like the fourth time that's happened? It's one of those tropes that just keeps on coming back like a bad penny.

Then Luna is all about "let's wake up the other scouts", but even Usagi is against this, confident in her ability to defend the Earth all by herself. Except that, I dunno, as I recall in that last fight, she was kind of the one that wound up getting everybody killed. Maybe leaving her to deal with this alone is not the wisest of ideas? Then she slaps herself in the face with a volleyball.

I don't think you ever should.

Right, so over at the Evil Ikea Apartment, Doom Tree Space Room, the twins are wondering what to do about this whole thing. The tree is almost completely empty, meaning they're really going to have to start stealing lots of energy from the planet. So it's time to pick another Cardian, and this time? We're right back on the astrology theme.

Why is the Minotaur a woman?

So today we get a lady Minotaur. Boy oh boy. Well at any rate, it should be a lot more effective than that whole flower debacle from last episode, right? Also, am I the only one that things this one might be slightly hot? I dunno. Maybe this show is really starting to get into my brain.

Then again, big boobs = hotter animu person.

Okay, then the weirdness starts. In the next scene, a bunch of men are looking at photos of girls from Usagi's school for... something? At some sort of TV station. I guess they are looking for someone to play the role of a younger sister for some TV show I guess, and their choices: Everyone except Usagi. That's Naru and the rest of the scouts, because Naru is always the first choice for these kinds of plot developments over her. In fact, they go so far as to point her out and go, "No, not this one, the other one." Boy.

When the lights come back on though, Ali and En are standing around, having decided on their next five targets, and the crew is all wondering how these weirdos managed to get into their meeting room. Somehow, from seeing these pictures, they get the feeling they can get a lot of energy from these girls.

Oh god. I think we're right back to Jadeite-level plots here folks. Anyhow, En knocks everyone out, and Ali is all "why drain energy from these guys when we're about to get some better stuff from those other girls?"

I can think of several reasons, all of them called BECAUSE OF THE DYING DOOM TREE. But hey, what do I know about being an evil villain? Absolutely nothing I guess. So instead they're just going to 'use' them.

Next day in class, Naru is all telling her bestie about the audition for a TV show, and her reservations regarding this unexpected windfall.

A character with a memory better than that of a goldfish

with a concussion? My god, what is going on.

So considering the fact that Naru has already been attacked by evil creatures like, six times now, she's understandably concerned that this could totally be another one of those situations. Because, y'know, it's kind of a thing with her. The sad part? That is totally what is going to happen, despite Usagi's insistence that everything will be just fine.

Unless your best friend is a Moon Princess.

Having had her memory come back, Usagi should know better than to say stuff like this. In the last year alone, her best friend has been involved in at least half a dozen different incidents. That's a lot for a single year. You'd think she might be a little more understanding about all of this, but then you remember: This is Usagi. She couldn't understand how to escape a wet paper bag if you showed her a video tutorial on it.

Ah, but if it will make Naru feel better, Usagi will totally go with her to make sure nothing bad happens. Like a good friend, right?

You conniving little bitch.

Yeah. That just seriously happened. Why is anyone surprised?

Back at the TV station, the other girls are arriving. Ami and Mako are first, totally not knowing one another. But then the other two show up, and the four of them all decide to go in together. Because the inside of the building is like a maze, and we wouldn't want any of the competition getting lost, now would we?

Ah, but first they need to introduce themselves to one another again, which is cool, and weird, because all of them are like, holy nostalgia trip. That was weird, it's like they've all met one another before. Dun dun duuuun.

Oh, and guess who gets stopped at the door because she isn't part of the audition? If you guessed the main character, you're totally right. At least she's in the right spot to deal with the inevitable monster attack that's about to happen, because that's always an important thing.

Yes. Please.

Okay. Now, thinking back to every other single time she ever got stonewalled like this, what was her response? Use the magic pen to turn into someone that won't get turned away. So what are the odds she'll be abusing her disguise powers yet again? But before she leaves, she sees her other four best friends who totally don't even know of her existence at this point, which tells her that they're all doing just fine.

So now it's time to begin the audition, and just as Ami is talking about thinking of turning down the role, they get magicked.

This is probably not a set piece. Just saying.

Of course, Naru thinks it's a stage set, then Ali and En are all "sup guys, gonna steal all your energies now" and we get the commercial break. Dramatic tension yaaay.

That was sarcasm by the way.

Anyhow, Ami is all 'don't have time for this" and goes to walk off, but Ali can't be having any of that, so he plays a flute and then they summon the minotaur monster. Who calls herself Minon.

Now with 90% more clothing!

Now they know they are dealing with a real monster, who is going to steal their energy, and Ali is all happy because he gets to hear young women screaming. Which is better than music or something. That's pretty twisted. So much that even his sister has to give him a 'wtf' look.

I'll just leave this here.

So sister wants him to stop playing around, but he's too busy listening to them scream, so she gets all impatient and leaves to find energy elsewhere. Because hey, it's not like the thing that's been keeping you alive is about to completely die off or anything.

Meanwhile, Usagi is lost in the TV station, and who should come out of the audition room but En in her human form, who is surprised to see Usagi standing there. They argue briefly, and then Mamoru runs right past them.

Oh god no. Don't do this to me. They're going to do this to me. They're about to go running after Mamoru who just happens to be working at this TV station. So they go running fater, and Luna feels some weird energy and investigates. What does she find? A bunch of girls being chased by a giant minotaur I would hope. Though, at least Rei and Mako are sick and tired of this, and decide to do something about this monster finally.

That purse is so threatening.

Rei throws her purse and hits Minon in the face, then slaps a sealing talisman on her face while Mako chucks her aside. Luna manages to catch sight of this, and is amazed that they're handling themselves even without their powers.

At the same time, En wanders into the waiting room where the main star of the show they were auditioning for is, and decides that she needs energy and it doesn't matter where she gets it. So much for their show I guess. I suppose she doesn't completely drain her though, just enough so that she'll need to sleep it off.

Back in the audition room, Naru gets trapped and summarily drained by a monster, then the cat intervenes because, well, that's how she rolls. Finally, Usagi wanders in, wondering what is going on, and the girls are trying to deal with Naru since she is now unconscious. So Ali is all "where's my sister" and leaves, while Luna debates as to whether or not to wake up the other girls. But then Usagi shows up, so there's no need for that. Let's just have her transform and end this whole thing.

The girls all get cornered by the monster, but then Sailor Moon appears to save the day. Kind of.

Truly an inspiring speech.

She can never forgive someone who bullies girls I guess, and now they start fighting. Or rather, she starts dodging the monster's attacks, while the other four girls are like "man, my head hurts, why does this seem so familiar?"

But then Sailor Moon runs into a very big problem. She doesn't have her wand anymore. Whoops. Guess you kinda lost it when you, I dunno, reset the entire world. However will you deal with this now? I suppose you could always throw your tiara at it, that worked last time. Ah but that would make too much sense, so now she has to run away from the monster while Rei gets all worked up, wanting to jump back into the fray, while wondering what the hell she's even talking about.

Luna is surprised, of course, that they're beginning to remember things from the last life, then Sailor Moon gets horned by the bull, as opposed to the other way round, and kinda loses her energy. So Luna decides to draft the other girls because trying to leave anything to this kid was clearly a terrible idea.

Cat Mind Beam x4 Combo!

Then the girls are all HOLY SHIT WE DIED and remember everything that happened, and go into immediate transformation mode. But of course, the dramatically shorter one, because they're almost out of time and most of their time went to Usagi's full transform sequence.

I really don't think I need to tell you what happens next. They pretty much just kick this thing's ass straight back to ancient Greece, leaving nothing but a black card behind.

You've been here like, two days. How could you know?

Cue the heartwarming reunion where the other girls are all "man you suck without us".

Then everyone is catching up at the shrine, and nobody laments the loss of their normal lives, and as usual, priorities are completely skewed when it comes to their leader.

Because nothing says "I love you" like forcing someone

to remember the last three times they died.

The end.
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